The nice guy fallacy

there are some of us out there that understand its not just about being the nice guy.

Most of you would have heard the age old saying nice guys finish last. It is convenient to lay blame on ones' inability to land a girlfriend by claiming that girls don't want a nice guy. However I've never believed that because there is almost certainly some other underlying issue(s) that the nice guy is failing to take into consideration. It could be that the girl is not interested, bad timing or other forces at play preventing an initial spark forming. Of course in a lot of cases it is the guy that labels himself as the nice guy, not realizing that other's may perceive him differently.

People have many attributes, and being a nice guy could be one of many. However in keeping with social harmony a girl might say you're a nice guy, but when talking amongst her friends you may be labelled with any number of other stronger, meaner attributes. Did you know that strange, weird and other equally unattractive adjectives will always trump nice! So you might be a nice guy, but you may also be a bit strange and you can be pretty much guaranteed that the girl would not be interested in you not because you're nice, but because you exhibit a certain degree of strangeness. So why can't these so called nice guys see that? Why can't they understand that being nice doesn't mean you have to be a puppy dog either.

I like my theory because it seems to bring a sense of understanding to irrational behaviour. There is no nice guys finish last. There is no girls don't like nice guys. It's all a fallacy because there are other underlying issues at play, and it is just convenient to play the nice guy card to explain your woes in the lady department. Of course this would all be fine except a lady friend of mine debunked my entire theory by stating that it was simply not true because she wouldn't go out with me because I was too nice. Either she is a statistical anomaly or she was trying to keep with social harmony by not revealing an undesirable attribute she perceived in me. (Interestingly enough, 6 years after our conversation and several failed romances, she tells me she just wants a nice guy).

So, for any nice guys out there reading this, I hope that you've learnt something. For the ladies, there are some of us out there that understand its not just about being the nice guy.


Dear Brent ,

Thankyou for building a lovely web site thingy. Will you play with my pocket gerbil till it sneezes? Your site has inspired me to greatness.. I will now go and set myself alight. Remember kids, self immolation is for winners...

By Karl (not verified)

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